lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
