My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
