i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
