i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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