my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
