i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
