I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
