Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
