she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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