Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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