Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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