why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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