and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
