When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
