I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
