thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
