Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My boob is missing a layer of skin
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
false alarm, still single
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
