I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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