He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
