they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
