i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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