its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
