is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
