New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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