i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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