I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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