he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
