is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
