So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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