Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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