I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
