420 ftw
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
