i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
