How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They have beer where we have blood.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
