By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
