That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
