It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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