I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
