It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
