i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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