Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
