You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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