im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
