I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
