You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
