I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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