There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
4 words: hood of his car
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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