I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
