walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
