Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
