Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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