It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How's work?
Spinning.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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