my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize