But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
