She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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