so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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