I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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