Someone shit on the floor
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
