i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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