I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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