How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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