Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
