Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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