when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
