If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize