just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
