her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
