I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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