I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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