i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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