it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
