so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
