My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
