me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
