well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
