mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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