i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
