i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
