I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
