I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
