If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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