ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
