her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
