I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
