Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
